It was nice and peaceful here, before the earth was spoilt with hatred, pollution, angry angels and shitty Costa Coffees. He let Sam sit on the beach in the soft, mild sun with the water moving gently up and down towards him. He and Sam needed something easy - something without stress.
Apparently that wasn't going to happen today. Sam cried out in fear and Raphael had no choice. He wanted to spread his wings, he knew he could in his dreams but there was almost a phantom pain that made him afraid to even try.
Instead, he manipulated the dream, changed the setting so Lucifer when smashing into a sudden skyscrapper instead of a lovely open sea. New York, baby. A nightmare for travel.
Raphael appeared by Sam and held out his hand. "Come on! Let's go!" He took hold of him and started to run. "Stop thinking about him, he'll go away! It's just a dream."
"Thinking about who?!" Sam asked, but of course he knew. That niggling at the back of his mind, suddenly so much closer to the forefront. He grabbed Raphael's hand and ran with him, idly concluding that it had to be a dream if Raphael's legs could keep pace with his so easily. "Where are we going?!"
The confusing thing was that there was a small part of his mind that felt Lucifer, as surely as he felt Raphael's hand in his. "He's still here."
Raphael dragged Sam inside a building and hurried passed all the fake people as he made a break for the Margaritaville. Once inside, he hurried through all the tables and temporarily paused behind a comically giant Statue of Liberty holding a margarita. "Sam, you have to block him out." He reached out and touched Sam on both sides of his face, trying to keep his focus. "He won't get you. He's in the cage. He can't ever take you. Promise. Shut him the fuck out."
Where the hell were they? Sam looked at the comically large margarita being held by the Statue of Liberty and, yeah. He did think about how much Matty would love the place.
Then Raphael was looking at him and Sam looked back, trying to focus on just that. Trying to ignore the growing pressure of the devil in his head.
"He's always there," Sam whispered and he hated how his voice sounded. Scared and on the verge of panic, younger than he was. The kind of voice that would call out for his big brother. Only his big brother wasn't here, Raphael's was. He swallowed as he looked at Raphael, remembering so clearly when Lucifer had taken him over. "I'm sorry. I don't know how to lock him out."
"It's okay, he won't get you." Raphael knew he was making empty promises. He couldn't handle Lazar, how the hell could he handle his brother? All the monstrous, horrible things Lucifer had made were his downfall. The demons who stomped on him in his cell, the prince of hell that had destroyed him and the horrible place he was stuck in.
He couldn't fight his big brother. He lost ever fucking time.
"It's going to be... I'm here." It wouldn't be okay, nothing was okay but he was here with him through it all. If Sam had to go to hell, the least he could do was stay by his side.
"Maybe you should leave," Sam suggested, not that he let go of Raphael. "It's my dream. Right?"
Honestly, he was no longer sure where the lines ended. But he was human, he was dreaming. Raphael could shape them and steer them, but it was still taking place in his mind.
Which was why the devil was right there, knocking the door. Or simply walking in, as the case might be.
Lucifer looked around before approaching them, arching his eyebrows. "Cosy, you two. Nice location, brother. Always loved a good margarita."
Sam finally let go of Raphael's hand, instead pushing his shoulder slightly to prompt him to leave.
Raphael didn't back off. Instead, he took Sam by the arm and tried to pull him back. And failed. Even in his dream, Sam was a fucking rock. He held onto Sam's arm anyway. "Don't give him what he wants. Ignore him."
Nothing pissed Lucifer off more than being ignored. He liked attention, they all did. It was the curse of being the first things in creation, inflated sense of importance.
"Come on, this is our dream. Our good thing. He can't ruin it if we don't let him." Raphael snapped his fingers and suddenly, he and Sam were sitting in a booth together. Lucifer was still there but Raphael was taking control. The only way he could.
"Pretty sure it's a cheeseburger in paradise. And, no, I'm vegetarian. Vegan when I can be." Sam informed Raphael of that as if on autopilot, his head turning to look at Lucifer again. Pretty difficult to ignore the devil when he stood right there, focused on them.
"Ugh. Vegetarian? Damn, we really have to deal with a lot from our vessels." Lucifer shook his head and walked up to the booth, smiling at Raphael. "Bro, I thought I cast you out of him back when. Guess you clung a little, didn't you? I can see the traces now. Looks like Sam here is the possession bicycle, who'd have thunk it?"
"Am not! Fuck off!" There, he'd found some strength, being pissed off enough.
"Don't get angry. Ignore him." Raphael tried again but he was pretty sure he couldn't distract Sam. With a sigh, he dropped his head to the table and cursed his bad luck. "Or get into a fight with him. Sure. You're bad at silent treatment." Shocking, he'd seen those two Tenaz brother's fight like crazy and they weren't good at just letting shit go.
Raphael didn't know what to even do here. He wanted to protect Sam but he didn't have the energy or the drive. He just wanted to be left alone in his dream, it was his only nice thing.
"I'm not here on purpose. I'm sleeping." He must have left a smudge or a fingerprint in here because now he was visiting all the damn time. "It's his dream, it's my world. Now fuck off."
"Not so fast, little brother. Your presence here isn't strong enough for this to be it. Otherwise you'd not have been able to hide back then. You have a vessel still, outside of the dream." Lucifer could be very observant when he wanted to be and right now he definitely wanted to be. He had no time to waste either, because Sam might be brute force more often than not, but that brute force was stubborn and Lucifer was finding holding on more difficult than he'd want to admit.
"Where the hell are you two? I had a visit from the King of Hell looking for you." So what was happening? "I'm not letting my vessel float around in uncertainty."
"Charming," Sam commented, shifting closer to Raphael in a show of solidarity.
"Yes, I'm in the same vessel I was in when you stabbed me." Battered and broken but still chugging along. He assumed poor Leviticus had long died but he still appreciated his form a lot. He liked the hair, the pep, the voice - hell, he even liked his stupid small feet. He didn't want to lose this vessel but he'd trade it away if he could just escape Lazar.
"I'm in hell." Raphael looked at Lucifer and smiled at it. Not the fun, playful Raphael smile but one more broken and tired. There was no joy left in him, no whimsy. He was just exhausted. "Sam rose alarm bells trying to find me. Now he's here too."
"Well, seems as if they are ringing loud if they even get Aleister to come and see me." Not that there was any guarantee of that ringing getting further from there, given Lucifer had no reliable way of getting Aleister to come see him. Whatever, he could worry about that later.
For now he stepped forward and bent down to talk to his brother face to face, trying to ignore the human glowering protectively at him. Kind of cute, really. "Who's got you, Raph? What bastard's using my brother and messing with my vessel?"
"No, don't fucking do that. Don't act like you care." Raphael was up and shoving his brother away from him, anger boiling up at his brother for daring to act like a brother for five damn seconds. "When you did this. You did all of this. You have been the complete and utter source of my misery since -- since humanity. Daddy wanted other kids and you couldn't cope. And now look at your world!"
Hell was something that he had always judged but he couldn't really think about or comprehend. And then he experienced it. This was Lucifer. This place was the whole embodiment of his lifestyle, his wants, his experiences.
Raphael punched his brother in the face without warning. He was weak, he knew it wouldn't even hurt him but he couldn't help it. "You made him! You made all of them! What is wrong with you!?"
Lucifer was a fighter, naturally. He didn't even think, he just blocked Raphael's punch as best he could and then immediately threw a punch of his own. Sam had gotten to his feet and he pulled Raphael back, wrapping both arms around him. He didn't think Raphael getting his ass kicked by Lucifer could help anyone.
"I'm trying to kick him," he muttered, trying to let only Raphael hear him.
Lucifer certainly paid it no mind. "I did what I felt I had to do, Raphael. I know you can't understand me."
He was used to not being understood. It never bothered him. "But I don't want it for you. You just got caught up in it."
"But I see it now. I see it in him and all of them. Like He gave a piece of himself to all his humans, you gave some of you to those fucking things. They're all like you. You're a plague!" Lucifer wasn't his brother any more, he was just some twisted monster than thought these things into reality. He could see his brother in Lazar's smirk sometimes and the way he was so playful and sweet while being nothing but a monster.
"The stupid thing is that you're so much like Him, and you don't even see it."
Raphael didn't know he was crying until he felt the wetness and raised his hand to scrub at his face. "You're an ass. Stay out of Sam and stay the fuck away from us!"
"If you think I'm so much like Him, then why should I bother playing nice?" Lucifer gathered what strength he possessed to pour his all into this. Sam screamed again, this time while he wrapped his arms around Raphael.
Around them, the dream burned away. The world was on fire and then fire was all there was, burning dark and fierce like the fires of Hell. Lucifer stood there, the silhouette of what was left of his wings showing while the flames blazed. "If I'm so much like Him then burn in Hell for all I care."
"LEAVE!" Sam yelled it, the force of his will dampening the flames, the world growing dimmer around them.
"I fucking will! I've been here for 7 years, asshole!" Raphael yelled angrily as the flames burned around them and he remembered what it felt like that time Lazar summoned flames in his cell. His feet burned so bad, he couldn't walk for days. The dream burned away, the illusion was gone and Raphael knew he was defeated. He would always lose to Lucifer and his creations. There was no way out.
He was going to die in hell.
His wings came forth, hanging limp against the ground. Most of the feathers had been ripped out and both had been broken and twisted at horrible angles. He had no grace, no power and nothing to use against Lucifer. "I wish one of you bastards would just hurry up and kill me!"
"I've been locked in that cage for so long I forgot what freedom's like. But, Raphael, I didn't want this for you. It's not my fault you're weak." Lucifer lashed out with all he had, naturally.
There was something about that. About the way Lucifer talked to his little brother to hurt him, how he honed in on exactly the words to say that could deal the worst pain. It struck a cord within Sam.
It wasn't logical. This was a dream, there was no logic. But he had an archangel blade in his hand and he threw it. Lucifer's chest was penetrated and he looked down in surprise. There was no time for him to say anything else, he keeled over, the wings burning out.
All of a sudden, the flames had died down. It was dark around them and Samuel's arms went around Raphael again. "I'm here." He mumbled the words as he shut his eyes.
Raphael wanted the flames die down and let Sam wrap his arms around him. He had such hate and anger inside of him and nowhere to put it. All he wanted was his big brother to just stop. To just let go of all of this. To have never done it. He just wanted his brother to be who he once was, back before the humans.
He closed his eyes and shuddered against Sam, wishing he wasn't as hurt as he was. Lucifer was right though. Of course he was. This was all because he was weak. It was his fault.
"He's right, you know?" It was just the truth. "I'm weak. And I can't save you."
"So? No one can ever save me. I was born for that, haven't you heard?" Sam felt being Lucifer's chosen vessel kind of set him up for failure on multiple levels. The younger Tenaz brother. There was no angel pulling him out of hell the way Castiel had pulled Matty. It was always messier than that.
He ran a hand through Raphael's curls, holding him close. In their dream, the pain seemed further away. It was easy to simply hold on to Raphael. Even if it was impossible to forget their misery entirely. "I don't expect you to save me."
"But you should. You should expect it and you should get it. It's not fair. It's not right that Matty gets a good, useful angel and gets to be the hero and have the story always be about him. And here we are, saddled together. Why couldn't you get someone who could do their fucking job?" Raphael wasn't even supposed to be Sam's angel, he was just his shitty fill in and he wasn't doing a good job.
"I knew you were screwed from the start and I-- It pissed me off, okay? I know, I know, I kept fucking it up every time and I was a dick but I just needed you to understand." He just wanted Sam to escape his brother before it was too late, to have a life and happiness away from family. Family was nothing but toxic, cruel and unpleasant.
"Now we're going to rot together." Fuck. "You would have been better without me."
"I know what you were doing. But it doesn't matter. You could have shown me a thousand worlds without Matteo and I'd not have wanted any one of them." Sam sighed as he released his hold on Raphael a little, just enough to run a hand through the angel's hair instead. It felt nice in here, much nicer than it ever did out there. In reality, where everything was torture.
He could feel himself get thirstier. Soon it would be too unpleasant to stay asleep and dreaming any longer. "I would have been dead without you. You saved us. You helped us against Lucifer. You did take care of me. There's a reason I went looking for you, Raphael."
"Cause you have low standards and it's kinda sad. That's why. I did the bare minimum and barely that. You just don't have anyone else. And how garbage is that?" Sam had to turn to a guy that screwed him over a thousand times because that was his best bet. His hurt him to know that things weren't ever going to get better either. If Sam didn't die here, Lucifer would find them eventually.
Maybe death was merciful for both of them. "If you see a chance to leave, Sam... go for it. Don't try and get me, just go." He didn't think it was worth getting him out, he didn't know how to live in this reality any more.
He just wished he could go to his big brother, his morning star, and hug him. Ask him for help. To not explode at him. He blamed him for all of his stupid weakness and failings. It wasn't right. "I think you're waking up, bud."
"Yeah. Guess so." Sam was trying to find more words to say, the right words to say. The words that didn't leave him feeling empty and hopeless. Utterly alone. He looked at Raphael and wondered what it was like to have a profound bond with anyone. Anyone other than the fucked up assholes that kept on taking over his body and mind as if they had every right.
He wanted to tell Raphael that he'd not leave him, but being rebuffed at every turn was only making him feel more deflated. Not the right words then. Maybe they simply didn't exist. "Good night."
All right, that was a dumb thing to say, given he was waking up. He wanted to add something less idiotic, but he woke up, coughing. His throat felt raw, as if he'd swallowed sandpaper.
The cell was dark and he had to carefully feel for the cup before he could lift it and drink a few sips of water. Not too much, he had to ration it. His head was pounding. What a night.
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waywarddone2024-09-20 07:08 pm
no subject
Apparently that wasn't going to happen today. Sam cried out in fear and Raphael had no choice. He wanted to spread his wings, he knew he could in his dreams but there was almost a phantom pain that made him afraid to even try.
Instead, he manipulated the dream, changed the setting so Lucifer when smashing into a sudden skyscrapper instead of a lovely open sea. New York, baby. A nightmare for travel.
Raphael appeared by Sam and held out his hand. "Come on! Let's go!" He took hold of him and started to run. "Stop thinking about him, he'll go away! It's just a dream."
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The confusing thing was that there was a small part of his mind that felt Lucifer, as surely as he felt Raphael's hand in his. "He's still here."
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Raphael dragged Sam inside a building and hurried passed all the fake people as he made a break for the Margaritaville. Once inside, he hurried through all the tables and temporarily paused behind a comically giant Statue of Liberty holding a margarita. "Sam, you have to block him out." He reached out and touched Sam on both sides of his face, trying to keep his focus. "He won't get you. He's in the cage. He can't ever take you. Promise. Shut him the fuck out."
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Then Raphael was looking at him and Sam looked back, trying to focus on just that. Trying to ignore the growing pressure of the devil in his head.
"He's always there," Sam whispered and he hated how his voice sounded. Scared and on the verge of panic, younger than he was. The kind of voice that would call out for his big brother. Only his big brother wasn't here, Raphael's was. He swallowed as he looked at Raphael, remembering so clearly when Lucifer had taken him over. "I'm sorry. I don't know how to lock him out."
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He couldn't fight his big brother. He lost ever fucking time.
"It's going to be... I'm here." It wouldn't be okay, nothing was okay but he was here with him through it all. If Sam had to go to hell, the least he could do was stay by his side.
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Honestly, he was no longer sure where the lines ended. But he was human, he was dreaming. Raphael could shape them and steer them, but it was still taking place in his mind.
Which was why the devil was right there, knocking the door. Or simply walking in, as the case might be.
Lucifer looked around before approaching them, arching his eyebrows. "Cosy, you two. Nice location, brother. Always loved a good margarita."
Sam finally let go of Raphael's hand, instead pushing his shoulder slightly to prompt him to leave.
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Nothing pissed Lucifer off more than being ignored. He liked attention, they all did. It was the curse of being the first things in creation, inflated sense of importance.
"Come on, this is our dream. Our good thing. He can't ruin it if we don't let him." Raphael snapped his fingers and suddenly, he and Sam were sitting in a booth together. Lucifer was still there but Raphael was taking control. The only way he could.
"Wanna get a burger in paradise?"
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"Ugh. Vegetarian? Damn, we really have to deal with a lot from our vessels." Lucifer shook his head and walked up to the booth, smiling at Raphael. "Bro, I thought I cast you out of him back when. Guess you clung a little, didn't you? I can see the traces now. Looks like Sam here is the possession bicycle, who'd have thunk it?"
"Am not! Fuck off!" There, he'd found some strength, being pissed off enough.
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Raphael didn't know what to even do here. He wanted to protect Sam but he didn't have the energy or the drive. He just wanted to be left alone in his dream, it was his only nice thing.
"I'm not here on purpose. I'm sleeping." He must have left a smudge or a fingerprint in here because now he was visiting all the damn time. "It's his dream, it's my world. Now fuck off."
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"Where the hell are you two? I had a visit from the King of Hell looking for you." So what was happening? "I'm not letting my vessel float around in uncertainty."
"Charming," Sam commented, shifting closer to Raphael in a show of solidarity.
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"I'm in hell." Raphael looked at Lucifer and smiled at it. Not the fun, playful Raphael smile but one more broken and tired. There was no joy left in him, no whimsy. He was just exhausted. "Sam rose alarm bells trying to find me. Now he's here too."
And they had no way out.
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For now he stepped forward and bent down to talk to his brother face to face, trying to ignore the human glowering protectively at him. Kind of cute, really. "Who's got you, Raph? What bastard's using my brother and messing with my vessel?"
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Hell was something that he had always judged but he couldn't really think about or comprehend. And then he experienced it. This was Lucifer. This place was the whole embodiment of his lifestyle, his wants, his experiences.
Raphael punched his brother in the face without warning. He was weak, he knew it wouldn't even hurt him but he couldn't help it. "You made him! You made all of them! What is wrong with you!?"
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"I'm trying to kick him," he muttered, trying to let only Raphael hear him.
Lucifer certainly paid it no mind. "I did what I felt I had to do, Raphael. I know you can't understand me."
He was used to not being understood. It never bothered him. "But I don't want it for you. You just got caught up in it."
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"The stupid thing is that you're so much like Him, and you don't even see it."
Raphael didn't know he was crying until he felt the wetness and raised his hand to scrub at his face. "You're an ass. Stay out of Sam and stay the fuck away from us!"
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Around them, the dream burned away. The world was on fire and then fire was all there was, burning dark and fierce like the fires of Hell. Lucifer stood there, the silhouette of what was left of his wings showing while the flames blazed. "If I'm so much like Him then burn in Hell for all I care."
"LEAVE!" Sam yelled it, the force of his will dampening the flames, the world growing dimmer around them.
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He was going to die in hell.
His wings came forth, hanging limp against the ground. Most of the feathers had been ripped out and both had been broken and twisted at horrible angles. He had no grace, no power and nothing to use against Lucifer. "I wish one of you bastards would just hurry up and kill me!"
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There was something about that. About the way Lucifer talked to his little brother to hurt him, how he honed in on exactly the words to say that could deal the worst pain. It struck a cord within Sam.
It wasn't logical. This was a dream, there was no logic. But he had an archangel blade in his hand and he threw it. Lucifer's chest was penetrated and he looked down in surprise. There was no time for him to say anything else, he keeled over, the wings burning out.
All of a sudden, the flames had died down. It was dark around them and Samuel's arms went around Raphael again. "I'm here." He mumbled the words as he shut his eyes.
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He closed his eyes and shuddered against Sam, wishing he wasn't as hurt as he was. Lucifer was right though. Of course he was. This was all because he was weak. It was his fault.
"He's right, you know?" It was just the truth. "I'm weak. And I can't save you."
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He ran a hand through Raphael's curls, holding him close. In their dream, the pain seemed further away. It was easy to simply hold on to Raphael. Even if it was impossible to forget their misery entirely. "I don't expect you to save me."
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"I knew you were screwed from the start and I-- It pissed me off, okay? I know, I know, I kept fucking it up every time and I was a dick but I just needed you to understand." He just wanted Sam to escape his brother before it was too late, to have a life and happiness away from family. Family was nothing but toxic, cruel and unpleasant.
"Now we're going to rot together." Fuck. "You would have been better without me."
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He could feel himself get thirstier. Soon it would be too unpleasant to stay asleep and dreaming any longer. "I would have been dead without you. You saved us. You helped us against Lucifer. You did take care of me. There's a reason I went looking for you, Raphael."
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Maybe death was merciful for both of them. "If you see a chance to leave, Sam... go for it. Don't try and get me, just go." He didn't think it was worth getting him out, he didn't know how to live in this reality any more.
He just wished he could go to his big brother, his morning star, and hug him. Ask him for help. To not explode at him. He blamed him for all of his stupid weakness and failings. It wasn't right. "I think you're waking up, bud."
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He wanted to tell Raphael that he'd not leave him, but being rebuffed at every turn was only making him feel more deflated. Not the right words then. Maybe they simply didn't exist. "Good night."
All right, that was a dumb thing to say, given he was waking up. He wanted to add something less idiotic, but he woke up, coughing. His throat felt raw, as if he'd swallowed sandpaper.
The cell was dark and he had to carefully feel for the cup before he could lift it and drink a few sips of water. Not too much, he had to ration it. His head was pounding. What a night.