"No, don't fucking do that. Don't act like you care." Raphael was up and shoving his brother away from him, anger boiling up at his brother for daring to act like a brother for five damn seconds. "When you did this. You did all of this. You have been the complete and utter source of my misery since -- since humanity. Daddy wanted other kids and you couldn't cope. And now look at your world!"
Hell was something that he had always judged but he couldn't really think about or comprehend. And then he experienced it. This was Lucifer. This place was the whole embodiment of his lifestyle, his wants, his experiences.
Raphael punched his brother in the face without warning. He was weak, he knew it wouldn't even hurt him but he couldn't help it. "You made him! You made all of them! What is wrong with you!?"
Lucifer was a fighter, naturally. He didn't even think, he just blocked Raphael's punch as best he could and then immediately threw a punch of his own. Sam had gotten to his feet and he pulled Raphael back, wrapping both arms around him. He didn't think Raphael getting his ass kicked by Lucifer could help anyone.
"I'm trying to kick him," he muttered, trying to let only Raphael hear him.
Lucifer certainly paid it no mind. "I did what I felt I had to do, Raphael. I know you can't understand me."
He was used to not being understood. It never bothered him. "But I don't want it for you. You just got caught up in it."
"But I see it now. I see it in him and all of them. Like He gave a piece of himself to all his humans, you gave some of you to those fucking things. They're all like you. You're a plague!" Lucifer wasn't his brother any more, he was just some twisted monster than thought these things into reality. He could see his brother in Lazar's smirk sometimes and the way he was so playful and sweet while being nothing but a monster.
"The stupid thing is that you're so much like Him, and you don't even see it."
Raphael didn't know he was crying until he felt the wetness and raised his hand to scrub at his face. "You're an ass. Stay out of Sam and stay the fuck away from us!"
"If you think I'm so much like Him, then why should I bother playing nice?" Lucifer gathered what strength he possessed to pour his all into this. Sam screamed again, this time while he wrapped his arms around Raphael.
Around them, the dream burned away. The world was on fire and then fire was all there was, burning dark and fierce like the fires of Hell. Lucifer stood there, the silhouette of what was left of his wings showing while the flames blazed. "If I'm so much like Him then burn in Hell for all I care."
"LEAVE!" Sam yelled it, the force of his will dampening the flames, the world growing dimmer around them.
"I fucking will! I've been here for 7 years, asshole!" Raphael yelled angrily as the flames burned around them and he remembered what it felt like that time Lazar summoned flames in his cell. His feet burned so bad, he couldn't walk for days. The dream burned away, the illusion was gone and Raphael knew he was defeated. He would always lose to Lucifer and his creations. There was no way out.
He was going to die in hell.
His wings came forth, hanging limp against the ground. Most of the feathers had been ripped out and both had been broken and twisted at horrible angles. He had no grace, no power and nothing to use against Lucifer. "I wish one of you bastards would just hurry up and kill me!"
"I've been locked in that cage for so long I forgot what freedom's like. But, Raphael, I didn't want this for you. It's not my fault you're weak." Lucifer lashed out with all he had, naturally.
There was something about that. About the way Lucifer talked to his little brother to hurt him, how he honed in on exactly the words to say that could deal the worst pain. It struck a cord within Sam.
It wasn't logical. This was a dream, there was no logic. But he had an archangel blade in his hand and he threw it. Lucifer's chest was penetrated and he looked down in surprise. There was no time for him to say anything else, he keeled over, the wings burning out.
All of a sudden, the flames had died down. It was dark around them and Samuel's arms went around Raphael again. "I'm here." He mumbled the words as he shut his eyes.
Raphael wanted the flames die down and let Sam wrap his arms around him. He had such hate and anger inside of him and nowhere to put it. All he wanted was his big brother to just stop. To just let go of all of this. To have never done it. He just wanted his brother to be who he once was, back before the humans.
He closed his eyes and shuddered against Sam, wishing he wasn't as hurt as he was. Lucifer was right though. Of course he was. This was all because he was weak. It was his fault.
"He's right, you know?" It was just the truth. "I'm weak. And I can't save you."
"So? No one can ever save me. I was born for that, haven't you heard?" Sam felt being Lucifer's chosen vessel kind of set him up for failure on multiple levels. The younger Tenaz brother. There was no angel pulling him out of hell the way Castiel had pulled Matty. It was always messier than that.
He ran a hand through Raphael's curls, holding him close. In their dream, the pain seemed further away. It was easy to simply hold on to Raphael. Even if it was impossible to forget their misery entirely. "I don't expect you to save me."
"But you should. You should expect it and you should get it. It's not fair. It's not right that Matty gets a good, useful angel and gets to be the hero and have the story always be about him. And here we are, saddled together. Why couldn't you get someone who could do their fucking job?" Raphael wasn't even supposed to be Sam's angel, he was just his shitty fill in and he wasn't doing a good job.
"I knew you were screwed from the start and I-- It pissed me off, okay? I know, I know, I kept fucking it up every time and I was a dick but I just needed you to understand." He just wanted Sam to escape his brother before it was too late, to have a life and happiness away from family. Family was nothing but toxic, cruel and unpleasant.
"Now we're going to rot together." Fuck. "You would have been better without me."
"I know what you were doing. But it doesn't matter. You could have shown me a thousand worlds without Matteo and I'd not have wanted any one of them." Sam sighed as he released his hold on Raphael a little, just enough to run a hand through the angel's hair instead. It felt nice in here, much nicer than it ever did out there. In reality, where everything was torture.
He could feel himself get thirstier. Soon it would be too unpleasant to stay asleep and dreaming any longer. "I would have been dead without you. You saved us. You helped us against Lucifer. You did take care of me. There's a reason I went looking for you, Raphael."
"Cause you have low standards and it's kinda sad. That's why. I did the bare minimum and barely that. You just don't have anyone else. And how garbage is that?" Sam had to turn to a guy that screwed him over a thousand times because that was his best bet. His hurt him to know that things weren't ever going to get better either. If Sam didn't die here, Lucifer would find them eventually.
Maybe death was merciful for both of them. "If you see a chance to leave, Sam... go for it. Don't try and get me, just go." He didn't think it was worth getting him out, he didn't know how to live in this reality any more.
He just wished he could go to his big brother, his morning star, and hug him. Ask him for help. To not explode at him. He blamed him for all of his stupid weakness and failings. It wasn't right. "I think you're waking up, bud."
"Yeah. Guess so." Sam was trying to find more words to say, the right words to say. The words that didn't leave him feeling empty and hopeless. Utterly alone. He looked at Raphael and wondered what it was like to have a profound bond with anyone. Anyone other than the fucked up assholes that kept on taking over his body and mind as if they had every right.
He wanted to tell Raphael that he'd not leave him, but being rebuffed at every turn was only making him feel more deflated. Not the right words then. Maybe they simply didn't exist. "Good night."
All right, that was a dumb thing to say, given he was waking up. He wanted to add something less idiotic, but he woke up, coughing. His throat felt raw, as if he'd swallowed sandpaper.
The cell was dark and he had to carefully feel for the cup before he could lift it and drink a few sips of water. Not too much, he had to ration it. His head was pounding. What a night.
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waywarddone2024-09-20 07:08 pm
no subject
Hell was something that he had always judged but he couldn't really think about or comprehend. And then he experienced it. This was Lucifer. This place was the whole embodiment of his lifestyle, his wants, his experiences.
Raphael punched his brother in the face without warning. He was weak, he knew it wouldn't even hurt him but he couldn't help it. "You made him! You made all of them! What is wrong with you!?"
no subject
"I'm trying to kick him," he muttered, trying to let only Raphael hear him.
Lucifer certainly paid it no mind. "I did what I felt I had to do, Raphael. I know you can't understand me."
He was used to not being understood. It never bothered him. "But I don't want it for you. You just got caught up in it."
no subject
"The stupid thing is that you're so much like Him, and you don't even see it."
Raphael didn't know he was crying until he felt the wetness and raised his hand to scrub at his face. "You're an ass. Stay out of Sam and stay the fuck away from us!"
no subject
Around them, the dream burned away. The world was on fire and then fire was all there was, burning dark and fierce like the fires of Hell. Lucifer stood there, the silhouette of what was left of his wings showing while the flames blazed. "If I'm so much like Him then burn in Hell for all I care."
"LEAVE!" Sam yelled it, the force of his will dampening the flames, the world growing dimmer around them.
no subject
He was going to die in hell.
His wings came forth, hanging limp against the ground. Most of the feathers had been ripped out and both had been broken and twisted at horrible angles. He had no grace, no power and nothing to use against Lucifer. "I wish one of you bastards would just hurry up and kill me!"
no subject
There was something about that. About the way Lucifer talked to his little brother to hurt him, how he honed in on exactly the words to say that could deal the worst pain. It struck a cord within Sam.
It wasn't logical. This was a dream, there was no logic. But he had an archangel blade in his hand and he threw it. Lucifer's chest was penetrated and he looked down in surprise. There was no time for him to say anything else, he keeled over, the wings burning out.
All of a sudden, the flames had died down. It was dark around them and Samuel's arms went around Raphael again. "I'm here." He mumbled the words as he shut his eyes.
no subject
He closed his eyes and shuddered against Sam, wishing he wasn't as hurt as he was. Lucifer was right though. Of course he was. This was all because he was weak. It was his fault.
"He's right, you know?" It was just the truth. "I'm weak. And I can't save you."
no subject
He ran a hand through Raphael's curls, holding him close. In their dream, the pain seemed further away. It was easy to simply hold on to Raphael. Even if it was impossible to forget their misery entirely. "I don't expect you to save me."
no subject
"I knew you were screwed from the start and I-- It pissed me off, okay? I know, I know, I kept fucking it up every time and I was a dick but I just needed you to understand." He just wanted Sam to escape his brother before it was too late, to have a life and happiness away from family. Family was nothing but toxic, cruel and unpleasant.
"Now we're going to rot together." Fuck. "You would have been better without me."
no subject
He could feel himself get thirstier. Soon it would be too unpleasant to stay asleep and dreaming any longer. "I would have been dead without you. You saved us. You helped us against Lucifer. You did take care of me. There's a reason I went looking for you, Raphael."
no subject
Maybe death was merciful for both of them. "If you see a chance to leave, Sam... go for it. Don't try and get me, just go." He didn't think it was worth getting him out, he didn't know how to live in this reality any more.
He just wished he could go to his big brother, his morning star, and hug him. Ask him for help. To not explode at him. He blamed him for all of his stupid weakness and failings. It wasn't right. "I think you're waking up, bud."
no subject
He wanted to tell Raphael that he'd not leave him, but being rebuffed at every turn was only making him feel more deflated. Not the right words then. Maybe they simply didn't exist. "Good night."
All right, that was a dumb thing to say, given he was waking up. He wanted to add something less idiotic, but he woke up, coughing. His throat felt raw, as if he'd swallowed sandpaper.
The cell was dark and he had to carefully feel for the cup before he could lift it and drink a few sips of water. Not too much, he had to ration it. His head was pounding. What a night.