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[personal profile] tvtroper 2024-09-27 08:05 pm (UTC)(link)
"I fucking will! I've been here for 7 years, asshole!" Raphael yelled angrily as the flames burned around them and he remembered what it felt like that time Lazar summoned flames in his cell. His feet burned so bad, he couldn't walk for days. The dream burned away, the illusion was gone and Raphael knew he was defeated. He would always lose to Lucifer and his creations. There was no way out.

He was going to die in hell.

His wings came forth, hanging limp against the ground. Most of the feathers had been ripped out and both had been broken and twisted at horrible angles. He had no grace, no power and nothing to use against Lucifer. "I wish one of you bastards would just hurry up and kill me!"
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[personal profile] tvtroper 2024-09-27 08:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Raphael wanted the flames die down and let Sam wrap his arms around him. He had such hate and anger inside of him and nowhere to put it. All he wanted was his big brother to just stop. To just let go of all of this. To have never done it. He just wanted his brother to be who he once was, back before the humans.

He closed his eyes and shuddered against Sam, wishing he wasn't as hurt as he was. Lucifer was right though. Of course he was. This was all because he was weak. It was his fault.

"He's right, you know?" It was just the truth. "I'm weak. And I can't save you."
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[personal profile] tvtroper 2024-09-27 08:26 pm (UTC)(link)
"But you should. You should expect it and you should get it. It's not fair. It's not right that Matty gets a good, useful angel and gets to be the hero and have the story always be about him. And here we are, saddled together. Why couldn't you get someone who could do their fucking job?" Raphael wasn't even supposed to be Sam's angel, he was just his shitty fill in and he wasn't doing a good job.

"I knew you were screwed from the start and I-- It pissed me off, okay? I know, I know, I kept fucking it up every time and I was a dick but I just needed you to understand." He just wanted Sam to escape his brother before it was too late, to have a life and happiness away from family. Family was nothing but toxic, cruel and unpleasant.

"Now we're going to rot together." Fuck. "You would have been better without me."
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[personal profile] tvtroper 2024-09-27 08:35 pm (UTC)(link)
"Cause you have low standards and it's kinda sad. That's why. I did the bare minimum and barely that. You just don't have anyone else. And how garbage is that?" Sam had to turn to a guy that screwed him over a thousand times because that was his best bet. His hurt him to know that things weren't ever going to get better either. If Sam didn't die here, Lucifer would find them eventually.

Maybe death was merciful for both of them. "If you see a chance to leave, Sam... go for it. Don't try and get me, just go." He didn't think it was worth getting him out, he didn't know how to live in this reality any more.

He just wished he could go to his big brother, his morning star, and hug him. Ask him for help. To not explode at him. He blamed him for all of his stupid weakness and failings. It wasn't right. "I think you're waking up, bud."