"Him being sick doesn't exactly impact how he dresses, that he's rich or that you don't like him. I guess I didn't foresee you having an issue with him not eating much in the ten minutes you bothered staying during dinner." Sam let that out quickly and then he caught himself, taking a deep breath while shaking his head. He adjusted his hat and then looked at Matty.
"He's got leukaemia. He's in remission, so he's not dying of it any more or anything, but the aftereffects of it and of the treatment never go away entirely. He still takes meds and needs check-ups and stuff too." There, he wasn't sure what else to say to that. "He's been stuck in hospital a lot of his life. His father never visited. He's not like you think. He's funny and he's a dick a lot of the time and he's had a fucking hard life and he loves me. I know he loves me. And I love him."
Matty sat himself on a nearby stump and watched Sam assess all the trees while he froze his balls off waiting for him. What did he even say? He didn't like Harry but he didn't want to shit all over a guy who had cancer. That was fucking low. He sighed and rubbed at his face, tired and annoyed. "It just ain't easy for me. You got away and you come back and ... everything's different. I just feel like with every passing year, you're drifting further."
Honestly, he got it. He knew, he was dumb and stuck in the past, he wasn't exactly being nice about things and he had a different idea of family than Sam but ... he never thought he'd feel awkward around his little brother. "You act like you had to survive me and dad to be where you are now. Kinda stings, Sammy. I know, we weren't perfect but we loved you. I loved you. You don't have to go back but... don't be ashamed of us."
"I'm not ashamed of you. I'm not-- I got issues with what dad... Whatever, that doesn't matter. I have never been ashamed of you." Well, there had been moments when Matty had wanted him to pull his finger in front of friends or even girlfriends, but setting aside those very specific differences. "I don't think I had to survive you. I think I survived because of you. And I wanted Harry to meet you but I didn't want you to hate him. And I knew you would."
So what was he supposed to do about that? "I'm sorry I'm not the way you want me to be. I know that's a disappointment."
Sam knew he could never explain to anyone properly why him getting a full scholarship at Stanford was a let-down for his big brother, but he got it. He knew why. He just didn't know how to change himself for him. "What do you think of that tree?"
He indicated one, waiting for approval. For his tree selection, he didn't have much hope for any other approval.
He couldn't tell Sam that he approved or disapproved. That he thought he was a success and so proud of him. He didn't know how to express any of that so he welcomed the tree as a distraction. "You start chopping, I'll get the ties for the roof of my car. And he lift fucking carefully, let's not scratch the paint work."
He'd touch her up tonight but whatever, he wanted to get the tree with Sammy. "I remember taking you tree hunting. You would pout in the cold. Moody damn teen. No Christmas spirit."
"Nah, guess not. I don't know if I'll ever have it. That spirit." Given that right now he was standing in the snow with his feet feeling slightly cold and his eyes stinging either because of the wind or because he wanted to cry, he doubted it.
He did have the lumberjack spirit though, as it turned out. He was good at chopping down a tree, they'd been trained well by Bobby. He almost wished he could send Harry a video of it, he could imagine the jokes he'd make.
Sam stepped back when the tree fell, looking around for Matty with the ties. Maybe he could just change the subject somehow. "We could watch a movie some time. While I'm here."
"Oh yeah, Die-Hard. Your Harry ever seen it? I got this friend, we go drinking, and he told me he's never seen it so this year is the year. Maybe I'll invite him over and we can have a guys night, watch that and Jingle All the Way." Matty suggested, knowing he wasn't going to let Cas have his weird, lonely Christmas this year.
He came over and helped his brother, tying up the tree and then lifting it up onto the roof together. "This Halloween, I introduced him to Halloween. Blew his mind. He's like a -- what do you call 'em? Former Mormon."
Matty finished securing the tree and then leaned on the hood as he looked at Sam. "Now they're weirdos."
"Dunno if he has. I'll have to ask. He's got some pop-culture blind spots." Probably the hospital time and the boarding school ball-ache, Sam imagined. He wasn't sure just how Harry would feel about a movie night like that, but hey. Better than angry yelling in Spanish, he imagined.
He leaned against the car and looked at Sam, nodding. "Yeah, I'd imagine. Always a bit strange, those religious types. It's a cult. Good on him for getting out of it. Did he like Halloween?"
"No, he found it 'deeply troubling'." He got a little freaked out and shuffled closer to Matty but Matty found it pretty damn cute. In a weird way. Cas was kind of cute. Matty sat in the car and put his cars keys into the ignition, looking out of the window before he finally let his irritation beat out his toxic masculinity.
"I'm not disappointed in you. Dumbass. I drove you to the damn college for the open day, I knew you'd apply, I think you're gonna be good at what you do. I don't have to get something to think it's something you should do. Like the gay shit and the lawyer stuff - it's your life. Just be happy and I'm... you know, I'm not gonna be disappointed." So there. He leaned forward and turned the radio on, cranking it up. It was Christmas songs. The radio this time of year, what an experience. "Now cheer up, Sammy. It's Christmas."
"'m sorry," Sam muttered, maybe for his lack of Christmas spirit. Maybe for not making things easy on Matty by living out here and being... a tree farmer or something. Whatever. He wasn't big on hunting and cars were boring so he felt there were limited options. Maybe he ought to have been a lumberjack, he bet there was plenty of gay action to be had there.
He listened to the Christmas songs that were playing, then glanced at Matty. "We should decorate the house. Go obnoxious with it. Bobby would hate it." And he thought Matty would love it.
"Already one step ahead. I got all the kitschy decor from the second hand place. I'm talking 80's level Christmas lights, so bright you'll lose your mind." He had like three cardboard boxes on stuff in his trunk and a load in his house. He was ready to deck the halls. "We'll show your fancy city boy how you go all out for a red neck Christmas."
Wait. Hang on. "He doesn't have like... seizures, does he?" He didn't want to kill Sam's apparently super fragile boyfriend. "He doesn't have to decorate either... we can handle that."
"...he had cancer, not epilepsy. He's fine, he just gets tired sometimes and he's not good with exercising, he's not breakable." Well, he was obviously breakable. "Not made of glass, anyway. And he's tough in his own way. Just wait until he's comfortable enough to snark around you."
No one escaped that acerbic wit unscathed. "He'll probably prefer watching us decorate and criticise it. That's his style. What about your friend? What's he like?"
Other than 'no longer Mormon', which was a vague descriptor at best.
"Cas? Oh, he's ... he's Cas, I don't know. I can't describe him. You have to meet him and then you'll get it." Castiel was beyond description, he was a baffling, fascinating, loyal, wise, idiotic weirdo. And lately,. since Dad ditched him and Sam went to college, he had weirdly become his best friend. "He gave me a jump on the highway. He teaches at the University of South Dakota and he likes bees a lot."
So yeah, basically super weird. Why he was here when he used to have a better gig, he had no idea but he wasn't complaining. "You'll meet him when we watch Die Hard."
"What does he teach?" Should he not be asking that? Was that a too uni adjacent question that might trigger something else? Maybe, but Sam was kind of baffled. Even after learning the ex-Mormon part, he imagined anyone who was friends with Matty to be... Well, more like someone like Matty. A lecturer who liked bees a lot did not sound like someone Matty would even want to be seen with, much less call a friend.
"Can't wait to meet him, man. He sounds fascinating."
"Antro-- something. It's about humans and cultures and stuff. He told me like 100 times. He has a book. Dr Castiel Novak, that's his name. Google it. It's something about religion or whatever. I've never read it but he did give me a copy." It was all nice and wrapped up, he kept it under his coffee table. Maybe one day he'd look at it but he wasn't really a reader and he couldn't pretend to be.
"He told me that... Stanford is like a really good school. Especially for law." Matty told Sam tentatively, just to show him that he wasn't totally against this. "So... good job, man."
"Thanks. It's ranked as the best law school in the US. We're above Yale." Sam hadn't really meant to brag, but this was the closest he had ever gotten to Matty showing that level of interest and it just somehow came out. Maybe because he was so thrown by all the information he'd just received.
Dr Castiel Novak. Damn. "You know someone who's got a PhD in Anthropology and actually teaches it. That's impressive, you know? Even got a book published... I'm so gonna look it up."
He was already typing into his phone. Then he stared, paused, zoomed in, stared again. "Er. Did he hire a model for the book promo?"
Matty leaned over, one eye on the road and the other on the google search. "Nah, that's Cas. He doesn't smile much." Matty snorted in amusement and took a left back onto the road towards Bobby's. "He has some publishing credits. He has his book and then some textbooks he worked on. He used to teach at a super fancy college but he moved here for family or something."
Around the time his car broke down. It was like fate, he supposed.
"It's not impressive, it's just Cas. He does that sort of stuff. That's why I'm showing him real shit, you know? Movies, TV, music - I took him to a nightclub last week." That had been an experience. "He danced with a girl." Cause Matty basically forced him to.
"I mean, he's pretty young to be a-- Wow." Sam clicked on his profile and saw his academic career and, yeah, no. That was impressive. He wondered whether Matty realised just how smart this guy was. Had to be to have accomplished all that. Plus, yeah, he was a good-looking guy. Which was just not what was generally expected from someone like that. Talk about God giving with both hands.
"Good on you for showing him around. Just go easy, don't want to overwhelm him. Or set him up with the wrong kinda girl to go home with." He could imagine that could potentially be awkward. "Now I really can't wait to meet him. And show his picture to Harry, he's gonna agree with me. Your friend's kinda hot, Matty."
"I'm not gonna do him dirty, he's my friend. I wait for him and I always get him home." He never ditched Cas once, even if he had to awkwardly stand around waiting for him. He just wanted Cas to experience all he could and live somewhat normally. As he drove towards the scrapyard out front of Bobby's house, Matty pulled a face and looked at Sam once he slowed down.
"Dude. Knock it off. Leave Cas alone. He's confused enough without you doing... all that shit." He didn't want Sam all over his friend. "Just give him space, don't be weird."
"I'm not gonna hit on him. I'm in a happily exclusive relationship. I'm just saying, you ought to know. White boy with looks like that and a hairline that good, I bet girls are all over him." Just stood to reason. Sam waited for the car to be parked and then he looked at Matty from the side, trying to figure out how to best word this.
"Thanks." He swallowed. "For helping me with the tree. And all."
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waywarddone2024-10-10 08:28 pm
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"He's got leukaemia. He's in remission, so he's not dying of it any more or anything, but the aftereffects of it and of the treatment never go away entirely. He still takes meds and needs check-ups and stuff too." There, he wasn't sure what else to say to that. "He's been stuck in hospital a lot of his life. His father never visited. He's not like you think. He's funny and he's a dick a lot of the time and he's had a fucking hard life and he loves me. I know he loves me. And I love him."
no subject
Matty sat himself on a nearby stump and watched Sam assess all the trees while he froze his balls off waiting for him. What did he even say? He didn't like Harry but he didn't want to shit all over a guy who had cancer. That was fucking low. He sighed and rubbed at his face, tired and annoyed. "It just ain't easy for me. You got away and you come back and ... everything's different. I just feel like with every passing year, you're drifting further."
Honestly, he got it. He knew, he was dumb and stuck in the past, he wasn't exactly being nice about things and he had a different idea of family than Sam but ... he never thought he'd feel awkward around his little brother. "You act like you had to survive me and dad to be where you are now. Kinda stings, Sammy. I know, we weren't perfect but we loved you. I loved you. You don't have to go back but... don't be ashamed of us."
no subject
So what was he supposed to do about that? "I'm sorry I'm not the way you want me to be. I know that's a disappointment."
Sam knew he could never explain to anyone properly why him getting a full scholarship at Stanford was a let-down for his big brother, but he got it. He knew why. He just didn't know how to change himself for him. "What do you think of that tree?"
He indicated one, waiting for approval. For his tree selection, he didn't have much hope for any other approval.
no subject
He couldn't tell Sam that he approved or disapproved. That he thought he was a success and so proud of him. He didn't know how to express any of that so he welcomed the tree as a distraction. "You start chopping, I'll get the ties for the roof of my car. And he lift fucking carefully, let's not scratch the paint work."
He'd touch her up tonight but whatever, he wanted to get the tree with Sammy. "I remember taking you tree hunting. You would pout in the cold. Moody damn teen. No Christmas spirit."
no subject
He did have the lumberjack spirit though, as it turned out. He was good at chopping down a tree, they'd been trained well by Bobby. He almost wished he could send Harry a video of it, he could imagine the jokes he'd make.
Sam stepped back when the tree fell, looking around for Matty with the ties. Maybe he could just change the subject somehow. "We could watch a movie some time. While I'm here."
no subject
He came over and helped his brother, tying up the tree and then lifting it up onto the roof together. "This Halloween, I introduced him to Halloween. Blew his mind. He's like a -- what do you call 'em? Former Mormon."
Matty finished securing the tree and then leaned on the hood as he looked at Sam. "Now they're weirdos."
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He leaned against the car and looked at Sam, nodding. "Yeah, I'd imagine. Always a bit strange, those religious types. It's a cult. Good on him for getting out of it. Did he like Halloween?"
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"I'm not disappointed in you. Dumbass. I drove you to the damn college for the open day, I knew you'd apply, I think you're gonna be good at what you do. I don't have to get something to think it's something you should do. Like the gay shit and the lawyer stuff - it's your life. Just be happy and I'm... you know, I'm not gonna be disappointed." So there. He leaned forward and turned the radio on, cranking it up. It was Christmas songs. The radio this time of year, what an experience. "Now cheer up, Sammy. It's Christmas."
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He listened to the Christmas songs that were playing, then glanced at Matty. "We should decorate the house. Go obnoxious with it. Bobby would hate it." And he thought Matty would love it.
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Wait. Hang on. "He doesn't have like... seizures, does he?" He didn't want to kill Sam's apparently super fragile boyfriend. "He doesn't have to decorate either... we can handle that."
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No one escaped that acerbic wit unscathed. "He'll probably prefer watching us decorate and criticise it. That's his style. What about your friend? What's he like?"
Other than 'no longer Mormon', which was a vague descriptor at best.
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So yeah, basically super weird. Why he was here when he used to have a better gig, he had no idea but he wasn't complaining. "You'll meet him when we watch Die Hard."
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"Can't wait to meet him, man. He sounds fascinating."
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"He told me that... Stanford is like a really good school. Especially for law." Matty told Sam tentatively, just to show him that he wasn't totally against this. "So... good job, man."
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Dr Castiel Novak. Damn. "You know someone who's got a PhD in Anthropology and actually teaches it. That's impressive, you know? Even got a book published... I'm so gonna look it up."
He was already typing into his phone. Then he stared, paused, zoomed in, stared again. "Er. Did he hire a model for the book promo?"
no subject
Around the time his car broke down. It was like fate, he supposed.
"It's not impressive, it's just Cas. He does that sort of stuff. That's why I'm showing him real shit, you know? Movies, TV, music - I took him to a nightclub last week." That had been an experience. "He danced with a girl." Cause Matty basically forced him to.
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"Good on you for showing him around. Just go easy, don't want to overwhelm him. Or set him up with the wrong kinda girl to go home with." He could imagine that could potentially be awkward. "Now I really can't wait to meet him. And show his picture to Harry, he's gonna agree with me. Your friend's kinda hot, Matty."
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"Dude. Knock it off. Leave Cas alone. He's confused enough without you doing... all that shit." He didn't want Sam all over his friend. "Just give him space, don't be weird."
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"Thanks." He swallowed. "For helping me with the tree. And all."