"Yes, I remember the day I opened my eyes. It's weird but I don't forget. Sometimes, I think it would be nice to forget but it's like ... a box set of DVDs in my head. I can just go back a couple of seasons and find the episode. I have some favs, of course." He crossed his arms and watched the French people walk by, smiling and chatting. It felt so weird that anyone could be happy, given all he was going through, but he supposed not everyone had to care. "There's some great moments that stick out, you know? Those people who danced to death in France, that time during Napoleonic wars a French ship sank off the coast of Hartlepool England. The only survivor was the captain's pet monkey."
He almost laughed but there was a struggling there, to make the joy come through. He didn't feel it the same. It just felt wrong. "The Kettle War. That was a good one. The Dutch kingdom and the Holy Roman Empire. A whole battle and the only casualty? A kettle full of soup."
"You decided to be part of the world when humanity started to be interesting, huh?" Sam was trying to understand him. He remembered Raphael's speech. He supposed they should be grateful that there was at least one archangel who actually cared about humanity. Clearly a very rare trait among angels.
Sam wasn't sure he could blame them, having experienced the worst of humanity for the majority of his life. "You should teach history. I feel like I'm learning a lot."
He looked at Raphael from the side. "I always wondered. I always thought you'd have to be somewhere out there still. So many times we'd have something strange happen and I'd expect that you'd pop up. Like at the Mystery Spot."
"Sorry to disappoint, kiddo. I was on low batteries when I ran from Luci and then, shit happened and I think I've been downstairs since." It was probably fair punishment, given he was being a coward again. He wasn't a good protector or worthy of his title so why not suffer in hell? He assumed Father wanted it or it wouldn't be happening. "I can't hear anything down here. The wards..."
He supposed it wasn't a shock to Sam that Angel radio wasn't exactly piping through down here. He had no idea what was happening or what had changed, how Heaven, Hell and Earth were faring. He just knew Lazar hated Aleister.
Looking at Sam, he frowned. "You aged." He hmmed lightly. "Suits you."
Sam frowned, wondering how his aging looked like from Raphael's perspective. Remembered not that long ago when he had looked at pictures of himself when he was younger. It felt like a long time ago. "A lot has happened. Maybe I wanted you to pop up again because it'd be a lot better than what we usually deal with these days."
Life had been tough. They were weary of it these days, all of them. They wouldn't, couldn't stop, of course. But they had become numb to a lot. Cynical in a way Sam hadn't used to be. "I had that dream and then I wanted to know for sure. Especially after what happened with Castiel and Metatron."
Wait, he supposed he had to explain. "Metatron used a fake you to try and get Castiel to lead Heaven."
"Metatron? That old hack. I thought they fired him. I never liked him, he was a bit of a slimeball. I bet he did an okay job writing me but he was bad at finer details." He couldn't see Metatron being able to pull of complexity, he always struggled in that area. He'd read his work - it wasn't awful but flaws were there.
"I've been with Sir since ... it's been long." Raphael laughed sadly and awkwardly squirmed on the bench, not realising he had called Lazar sir and not by name. It was so beaten into him, he barely noticed. Then it occurred to him and he went rigid, realising. "Oh shit, I'm asleep again."
"That's fine. He doesn't have to know." Sam reached out to put an arm around Raphael, unsure how to best handle it. The fear was palpable, it was as if he felt it himself. Maybe he did, being in Raphael's dream. Or sharing a dream. He wasn't sure what exactly was happening ehre, metaphysically. "He's not here. It's just you and me."
And perhaps, niggling at the back of his head, someone else. Someone he tried to push out as much as he possibly could. "You wore a leather jacket. When Metatron wrote you. Castiel told me that."
Raphael flinched against the arm and slid himself down the bench to try and avoid the contact. Touch was not something he wanted any more, it always led to pain. Nice touches swiftly turned to pinches, stabs and jabs. He crossed his arms and listened to Sam, just trying to focus on the fact that him sleeping was a betray or rebellion. He was just so tired.
"Hm. I don't own a leather jacket." He frowned and wondered if Metatron just felt he was hotter like that. "If there has to be fanfic about me, I like it be sexy so I'll take it."
"There's fanfic about me. Because of those Supernatural books. It's weird. There's even a musical adaptation." It was downright bizarre and often insulting. "I haven't looked into it much, but I bet you come up sometimes. I know there's books you appear in."
He remembered people talking about that. Honestly, he remembered way too much from those conventions they had come across over the years.
Sam had crossed his arms, making it clear he wouldn't try to touch Raphael again. "I was looking for you in case you were in trouble. We'll get out of there. You and me. Together."
"Sam?" Raphael looked at Sam and wondered if it was going to be smart to talk to him frankly or if he would just double down on the heroics as he often seemed to. "Don't play hero and leave me out of it. I'm-- it's over."
Raphael gave him a half smile and then looked back at the shitty Eiffel tower. "I'm going to die here."
"I won't let you," Sam said, determined. Playing hero, of course. He wished he had a solid plan already, but so far he didn't know enough. But he had Matty as his brother, a father figure that had sold his soul to the King of Hell for him before, an angel who kept doing things no one else would ever dare and the devil himself in the back of his head.
He knew he'd find a way, much as things sucked right now. "I know you can't hope. But you can't make me stop hoping for us."
"Good luck." He gave Sam maybe a month before hope would start to dwindle but that was fine. Lazar had time. Sam was never leaving, he would die here with Raphie. And he didn't feel good about that. He truly hoped that there was a miracle. For Sam. Not for himself, he didn't think it was going to happen. "I'm rooting for you."
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waywarddone2024-09-20 07:08 pm
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He almost laughed but there was a struggling there, to make the joy come through. He didn't feel it the same. It just felt wrong. "The Kettle War. That was a good one. The Dutch kingdom and the Holy Roman Empire. A whole battle and the only casualty? A kettle full of soup."
no subject
Sam wasn't sure he could blame them, having experienced the worst of humanity for the majority of his life. "You should teach history. I feel like I'm learning a lot."
He looked at Raphael from the side. "I always wondered. I always thought you'd have to be somewhere out there still. So many times we'd have something strange happen and I'd expect that you'd pop up. Like at the Mystery Spot."
no subject
He supposed it wasn't a shock to Sam that Angel radio wasn't exactly piping through down here. He had no idea what was happening or what had changed, how Heaven, Hell and Earth were faring. He just knew Lazar hated Aleister.
Looking at Sam, he frowned. "You aged." He hmmed lightly. "Suits you."
no subject
Life had been tough. They were weary of it these days, all of them. They wouldn't, couldn't stop, of course. But they had become numb to a lot. Cynical in a way Sam hadn't used to be. "I had that dream and then I wanted to know for sure. Especially after what happened with Castiel and Metatron."
Wait, he supposed he had to explain. "Metatron used a fake you to try and get Castiel to lead Heaven."
no subject
"I've been with Sir since ... it's been long." Raphael laughed sadly and awkwardly squirmed on the bench, not realising he had called Lazar sir and not by name. It was so beaten into him, he barely noticed. Then it occurred to him and he went rigid, realising. "Oh shit, I'm asleep again."
no subject
And perhaps, niggling at the back of his head, someone else. Someone he tried to push out as much as he possibly could. "You wore a leather jacket. When Metatron wrote you. Castiel told me that."
no subject
"Hm. I don't own a leather jacket." He frowned and wondered if Metatron just felt he was hotter like that. "If there has to be fanfic about me, I like it be sexy so I'll take it."
no subject
He remembered people talking about that. Honestly, he remembered way too much from those conventions they had come across over the years.
Sam had crossed his arms, making it clear he wouldn't try to touch Raphael again. "I was looking for you in case you were in trouble. We'll get out of there. You and me. Together."
no subject
Raphael gave him a half smile and then looked back at the shitty Eiffel tower. "I'm going to die here."
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He knew he'd find a way, much as things sucked right now. "I know you can't hope. But you can't make me stop hoping for us."
no subject