"I intervened. I tried to go for Lucifer, which isn't what Gabriel wants. He just wants it to be over with. I get it, I did too but, you know, I like the Earth. I don't need Michael and Lucifer to destroy it." He hoped that Michael was capable of remembering that when the time came. That he would fight for the Earth and not to win out over his brother. "Gabriel is just a typical middle child. He got no attention and he had to sack it up and deal with those two. I think he's just happily skipping into oblivion."
Not that he could get Gabriel to stop for a second and admit any of this but he knew it was true. He could see it in his eyes. "I'm not hero, I'm just trying to stop my jerk brothers."
With a huff, he watched Sam and hoped he was having good dreams. About unicorns and candy. And Christmas. "Expecting the worst is a good protection, Cas. Keeps you safe."
"Maybe it does. But it's not fair. They deserve better than the worst." Which was why he had been so determined to make Matty less of a cynic since the day he'd met him. "They are human. I believe that, fundamentally, humanity needs faith. Matteo needs to have faith. It's what makes him stronger. And the world needs him to be strong."
Castiel needed him to be strong. "I wanted to give him that faith."
He frowned and lowered his head. "I also need faith. It has become harder to believe in Heaven. In God. In any kind of divinity. But I believe in Matteo. It makes me stronger. It has given me free will."
"You won't find strength in God or a better life through Him. You have to do it all yourself." And Raphael had yet to find a good way to do that. He supposed it was easier now Sam kept holding him responsible but he had yet to find a way to live a good life that he actually enjoyed. "I wish He still answered."
Raphael shrugged and crossed his arms, leaning back on the couch and looking up at the dirty ceiling. Ew.
"I guess falling in love is a sort of spiritualism in a way. Now you have something to believe in." In many ways, it was one of those void fillers.
"I believe that falling in love is the closest I have ever gotten to divinity." Castiel turned his head to glance over at Matteo, who was lying there with a frown on his face and slightly parted lips, probably snoring quietly. Beautiful. "I want free will. I want to make the choices that are right for the one I love."
That was were his faith was centred, how he viewed the rest of the world. "I believe in him."
"And I believe in Harvey Dent... wait, you don't get that, do you? Okay, nevermind." Raphael scrapped the reference and cast a quick spell with a click of his fingers so there was a soundproof dome around them, the TV and the sleeping boys. "Now, pass me that remote, you can be devote to Matty all you want but you know what also helps? A rounded personality."
He took the remote back and turned on the TV. "Let's fine out what sort of shows you like. You feeling like sitcoms, Talk shows, procedural cop shows. Or do you wanna go back to basics. We could watch some Blue's Clues."
"I watched some pornographic movies. They are quite complex and confusing." Castiel wasn't certain whether he entirely got them. He understood that they meant a lot to Matty for some reason, yet he wasn't certain he understood all the rules around them. "We can't watch one right now, there are no women in the room."
That much he knew now. "What do you like to watch? I believe Sam watches documentaries."
"Ah, why? You can watch porn any time, anywhere." Raphael assured Castiel as he put on the TV and flicked through the channels curiously. "Me? I'll watch anything. The day TV was made, I kept it on all day long. This is the best thing humanity ever created. And I will say, I'm especially fond of sitcoms and soap operas."
Even so, he settled on the kids channel and put some Bluey on. It seemed on Castiel's level and maybe he could learn some sort of moral lesson or healthy mental growth. "This is about an Aussie doggie, it's compelling stuff. I hear Matty loves it."
"Matty likes cartoon dogs. Especially Scooby-doo." That much, at least, he knew. He didn't understand it, but it had come up. "Sam always wanted a dog. I know he used to ask for one for Christmas."
Obviously that had never happened, so Castiel was simply sharing what dog-related trivia he could think of while he watched the blue dog on the screen. "She seems very intelligent."
For a young puppy, at least. For a while, Castiel stayed silent as he watched. Then, finally, he turned to look at Raphael again. "Brother, do you have sex a lot?"
The ins and outs of Bluey and the world of dogs seemed to mostly occupy his brother and Raphael was so sure that serious time was over. And then Castiel asked him that. He slowly turned and looked at his brother.
How the hell did he answer that? "Uh." Damn. "That's complicated. Depends on what you count as a viable person for it and where you draw the line between sex and masturbation."
And he left it at that. "Do you want to have sex, Cas?"
"Not with you." He felt that might need to be clarified right away. Castiel tried to puzzle out what Raphael's answer meant, unsure if he really got it. He supposed it was to be expected, his knowledge where sex was concerned was all theoretical and also still lacking. Which was why he asked Raphael about it, where this was concerned, he was the most knowledgeable angel he knew.
"Sex can be an expression of love, correct? I believe that is why I want to have it."
"Well, yeah, obviously. I'm not gonna fuck my brother." Raphael rolled his eyes as he tried not to get side-tracked. His brother was asking if sex was romantic, when all the word from above had been was that it was a sin. A reason to feel bad and guilty. "Don't believe the propaganda. I think Michael was just having an off day when he preached those things in Israel."
Or at least he assumed it came from Michael, he knew it didn't come from God.
"Wayward angels and ignorant men have claimed what Father never did. Love can be expressed many ways. Sex can be romantic, it can be dirty and gross, it can be bad and good. It can be a cruel weapon or a beautiful gift. Just depends what you want from it, bucko." He flicked his eyes over to Matteo. "For you, it wouldn't just be sex. You'd be making love, eh?"
"Yes. If he'd want it." It was difficult to know whether Matteo would ever want anything like that. At least with him, obviously Matteo liked it with women. He had more than enough proof of that, which bothered him immensely. Jealousy was not an emotion an angel was supposed to be capable of, yet here Castiel was, experiencing it more than he'd ever want to admit.
"If I told him, he would know. He might send me away." It didn't seem safe, confessing his love. Although it times he was certain Matteo knew. At times he was certain he reciprocated. Then, again. "He's taken me to a brothel before. He wanted to help me. Get laid."
It seemed like a good place to start unpacking this whole mess. "You know, for us, it's easy. We don't really think about gender because who cares? That's a human thing. We have our preferences, we have aesthetic we like but we're not like them. To humans, it matters if you're a boy or a girl. Or both or neither. It's always been especially a big deal if two guys wanna do the horizontal tango." He clicked his fingers and then pointed at Matteo. "That boy is vibing on you. Hard. And that boy is also in the closet."
"...he is not. He goes in there sometimes when he is looking for weapons or salt. But right now he is on the floor. There." Castiel pointed to show Matteo to Gabriel, proving that he did not know what a closet case was. However, at least he knew something about preferences. "Charlie only likes women."
She was perhaps his favourite woman to spend time around Matteo for exactly that reason. Really helped with the issue of his jealousy. "You are talking about homo stuff. Gay. Matteo talks about it a lot."
"Closest case is just a term used for humans who feel one way towards a certain gender but hide it. Your boy likes boys but he's embarrassed he likes boys. So he hides it. There's a lot of stigma with that sort of thing. Check out Brokeback Mountain, it'll tell you all you need." Raphael patted Castiel's shoulder and then looked over at Matteo, sleeping happily, probably dreaming of his angel. Dumb human was as horny for Cas as Cas was for him. "All I'm saying is that whenever you do make a move, he might panic. He might freak out. Doesn't mean he isn't interested. Trust me, no one looks at you that much if it's just friendship."
But the gay panic would be strong with this one. He could just feel it. "Humans are awkward and complicated. Angels ... well, no. You. You're simpler."
"When I found Matteo, I did not know what love felt like. Then I learned and I knew I loved him." And now he was beginning to learn more and more about physical love and that was starting to be of interest. He nodded. "I do not want to make a move and scare him."
Yet he wasn't sure how to make a move and not scare him. It was a very tricky situation. "I don't like when he flirts with women." It didn't make him feel emotions that he wanted to experience. "I will just keep interrupting when he does. His "game" gets worse when I stare at him."
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Not that he could get Gabriel to stop for a second and admit any of this but he knew it was true. He could see it in his eyes. "I'm not hero, I'm just trying to stop my jerk brothers."
With a huff, he watched Sam and hoped he was having good dreams. About unicorns and candy. And Christmas. "Expecting the worst is a good protection, Cas. Keeps you safe."
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Castiel needed him to be strong. "I wanted to give him that faith."
He frowned and lowered his head. "I also need faith. It has become harder to believe in Heaven. In God. In any kind of divinity. But I believe in Matteo. It makes me stronger. It has given me free will."
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Raphael shrugged and crossed his arms, leaning back on the couch and looking up at the dirty ceiling. Ew.
"I guess falling in love is a sort of spiritualism in a way. Now you have something to believe in." In many ways, it was one of those void fillers.
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That was were his faith was centred, how he viewed the rest of the world. "I believe in him."
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He took the remote back and turned on the TV. "Let's fine out what sort of shows you like. You feeling like sitcoms, Talk shows, procedural cop shows. Or do you wanna go back to basics. We could watch some Blue's Clues."
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That much he knew now. "What do you like to watch? I believe Sam watches documentaries."
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Even so, he settled on the kids channel and put some Bluey on. It seemed on Castiel's level and maybe he could learn some sort of moral lesson or healthy mental growth. "This is about an Aussie doggie, it's compelling stuff. I hear Matty loves it."
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Obviously that had never happened, so Castiel was simply sharing what dog-related trivia he could think of while he watched the blue dog on the screen. "She seems very intelligent."
For a young puppy, at least. For a while, Castiel stayed silent as he watched. Then, finally, he turned to look at Raphael again. "Brother, do you have sex a lot?"
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How the hell did he answer that? "Uh." Damn. "That's complicated. Depends on what you count as a viable person for it and where you draw the line between sex and masturbation."
And he left it at that. "Do you want to have sex, Cas?"
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"Sex can be an expression of love, correct? I believe that is why I want to have it."
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Or at least he assumed it came from Michael, he knew it didn't come from God.
"Wayward angels and ignorant men have claimed what Father never did. Love can be expressed many ways. Sex can be romantic, it can be dirty and gross, it can be bad and good. It can be a cruel weapon or a beautiful gift. Just depends what you want from it, bucko." He flicked his eyes over to Matteo. "For you, it wouldn't just be sex. You'd be making love, eh?"
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"If I told him, he would know. He might send me away." It didn't seem safe, confessing his love. Although it times he was certain Matteo knew. At times he was certain he reciprocated. Then, again. "He's taken me to a brothel before. He wanted to help me. Get laid."
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It seemed like a good place to start unpacking this whole mess. "You know, for us, it's easy. We don't really think about gender because who cares? That's a human thing. We have our preferences, we have aesthetic we like but we're not like them. To humans, it matters if you're a boy or a girl. Or both or neither. It's always been especially a big deal if two guys wanna do the horizontal tango." He clicked his fingers and then pointed at Matteo. "That boy is vibing on you. Hard. And that boy is also in the closet."
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She was perhaps his favourite woman to spend time around Matteo for exactly that reason. Really helped with the issue of his jealousy. "You are talking about homo stuff. Gay. Matteo talks about it a lot."
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But the gay panic would be strong with this one. He could just feel it. "Humans are awkward and complicated. Angels ... well, no. You. You're simpler."
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Yet he wasn't sure how to make a move and not scare him. It was a very tricky situation. "I don't like when he flirts with women." It didn't make him feel emotions that he wanted to experience. "I will just keep interrupting when he does. His "game" gets worse when I stare at him."
He could be devious, in his own way.