It took Sam a while to work up the nerve to walk into his dormitory for the first time. He had gone to orientation, he had gotten the papers he needed, the brochures and maps and all the information. Then he had returned to his car and there was part of him that had almost decided to sleep here instead. It wasn't as if he hadn't spent a lot of his life so far sleeping in cars.
But, no. He had to face his future. So he put all the material he had gotten today into his backpack and got out of the car. It was busy, people everywhere. A lot of fellow students who were here with their parents for the first day, carrying in mattresses and whole furniture sets. Sam had most of his worldly possessions in the backpack he was carrying. He didn't have a lot and he knew he'd need a job as soon as possible to at least buy some more clothes and a laptop.
The building was intimidating and unfamiliar, so Sam told himself how this would be normal to him in just a few weeks. It didn't make him any less nervous. He found his dorm room and stepped inside. After looking the place over, he claimed one of the empty beds as his by putting his backpack on it. Then he sat there and looked around. Outside the window he could hear cheering and there was a steady background noise from the hallway as people everywhere got settled in. Across from him, the bed had already been claimed. There was a poster up on the wall - Green Day - and fresh sheets. Huh. He should probably get some sheets himself.
Everything had been overwhelming so far. Sam got his phone out of his pocket and realised that what he wanted most of all was to talk to Matty. Of course, Matty wasn't talking to him right now. His big brother had started a pointless argument before he was due to leave. Predictable and Sam knew why, yet that didn't make it any easier to deal with. He felt a deep sense of loneliness, knowing that by turning his back on everything Matty wanted for him he had closed that chapter of his life. Sam weighed the phone in his hand, staring at the grenade on the Green Day poster as he dialled to call his brother.
Unsurprisingly, it went to voice mail. "Hey, Matty!"
Yeah, he had no idea what to say. Worse, he knew exactly what he wanted to say, all he wanted to tell him. Every detail of his day, all the worries on his mind and how much he desperately wished that his big brother could be part of it somehow so he'd feel less scared. But he knew that Matty wouldn't want to hear any of it, would likely stop listening to any voice mail left by him the moment he recognised his voice. That was why his mouth went dry and he was simply silent for a few seconds before finally continuing. "I'm here now. Stanford. It's... You don't care."
He trailed off and glared at his phone. He hated that they weren't talking. He hated that Matty couldn't be proud of him because it wasn't what dad wanted. Just as they couldn't talk about their feelings in any kind of healthy way because it wasn't what dad wanted. "Whatever."
Sam got up, phone in hand, looking out the window where people were hugging their parents goodbye. Their families. Sam knew that he wasn't the only students who didn't have that, yet right this moment he could just as well have been the only person in the world on account of how lonely he felt. "I miss you," he finally said, sounding forlorn, and then he hung up. Odds of Matty listening to all of that were approximately zero, so whatever.
He dropped the phone onto the nightstand and kept looking out the window, blinking so that no tears could come. Maybe he could go to the library. Do some reading. Make the most of this time.
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waywarddone2024-10-24 10:58 am
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But, no. He had to face his future. So he put all the material he had gotten today into his backpack and got out of the car. It was busy, people everywhere. A lot of fellow students who were here with their parents for the first day, carrying in mattresses and whole furniture sets. Sam had most of his worldly possessions in the backpack he was carrying. He didn't have a lot and he knew he'd need a job as soon as possible to at least buy some more clothes and a laptop.
The building was intimidating and unfamiliar, so Sam told himself how this would be normal to him in just a few weeks. It didn't make him any less nervous. He found his dorm room and stepped inside. After looking the place over, he claimed one of the empty beds as his by putting his backpack on it. Then he sat there and looked around. Outside the window he could hear cheering and there was a steady background noise from the hallway as people everywhere got settled in. Across from him, the bed had already been claimed. There was a poster up on the wall - Green Day - and fresh sheets. Huh. He should probably get some sheets himself.
Everything had been overwhelming so far. Sam got his phone out of his pocket and realised that what he wanted most of all was to talk to Matty. Of course, Matty wasn't talking to him right now. His big brother had started a pointless argument before he was due to leave. Predictable and Sam knew why, yet that didn't make it any easier to deal with. He felt a deep sense of loneliness, knowing that by turning his back on everything Matty wanted for him he had closed that chapter of his life. Sam weighed the phone in his hand, staring at the grenade on the Green Day poster as he dialled to call his brother.
Unsurprisingly, it went to voice mail. "Hey, Matty!"
Yeah, he had no idea what to say. Worse, he knew exactly what he wanted to say, all he wanted to tell him. Every detail of his day, all the worries on his mind and how much he desperately wished that his big brother could be part of it somehow so he'd feel less scared. But he knew that Matty wouldn't want to hear any of it, would likely stop listening to any voice mail left by him the moment he recognised his voice. That was why his mouth went dry and he was simply silent for a few seconds before finally continuing. "I'm here now. Stanford. It's... You don't care."
He trailed off and glared at his phone. He hated that they weren't talking. He hated that Matty couldn't be proud of him because it wasn't what dad wanted. Just as they couldn't talk about their feelings in any kind of healthy way because it wasn't what dad wanted. "Whatever."
Sam got up, phone in hand, looking out the window where people were hugging their parents goodbye. Their families. Sam knew that he wasn't the only students who didn't have that, yet right this moment he could just as well have been the only person in the world on account of how lonely he felt. "I miss you," he finally said, sounding forlorn, and then he hung up. Odds of Matty listening to all of that were approximately zero, so whatever.
He dropped the phone onto the nightstand and kept looking out the window, blinking so that no tears could come. Maybe he could go to the library. Do some reading. Make the most of this time.