"Wake me up, when September ends." Harry shot back as he looked down at Sam, hit by an onslaught of memories. He didn't think he was feeling much humanity but he was enjoying this little respite. Imagination was something demons didn't really have but in that moment, Harry could imagine being that same boy in the dorm again. It felt ... almost nice.
"It's kinda fun, I guess." Harry laughed tired. "Me and you - dying together."
"I think so," Sam agreed, closing his eyes for a moment as he remembered a hand in his hair and the feeling of belonging somewhere.
When he opened his eyes again, it was because the alarm on his watch went off. Another hour up. He blinked and moved the syringe to his arm, drawing the blood almost mechanically. Then he injected the sixth dose into Harry, right before collapsing again. It wasn't the blood loss, it was the ritual. Drawing on his essence.
His hand was shaking when he picked up his phone, staring at it to try and figure out what else he could tell Matty. In the end he settled on:
love you
And then he sat there, looking off at nothing. "I think all I've ever wanted was to love and be loved. That's what Aleister talked about, when we did this. Maybe that's all most of us want."
And so, somehow, another hour passed and Sam injected him again. Seven doses. Only one left to go.
"I loved you. Jess loved you. Hell, sounded like your shitty brother loved you too. In his own shitty way." Harry pointed out, not realising how easily he had admitted something like love. That he was comforting Sam of all things. He felt his blood boil and his insides churn, he spasmed painfully in the chair and arched his back. "It hurts, Sam. Please, it hurts... stop it. It's going to kill us."
Harry's voice hitched and tears came to his eyes. "Please, I don't want to die. Sammy, please, I don't want to die."
The seventh dose was not welcome, Sam was not listening and he felt another wave of agony run through him. His eyes rolled back and he wished he had the energy to beg Sam to not go all the way. If they did, this was it. And then there was nothing.
The timer went off and as Sam raised his hand, someone took a hold of his wrist.
There, crouch in front of Sam, was Raphael. He was supposed to be dead but there he was. No fanfare, no big lights or dazzling entrance. He just held onto Sam. "Hey, kiddo. Let's take a step back together, yeah?"
Sam hadn't expected Raphael. Honestly, he had never once actually come across Raphael when expecting him anyway, he was like the Spanish Inquisition. The vaguely British Archangel. Sam snorted, realised he had to be more drowsy than he'd realised and tried to shake himself out of it. He tried to tug his wrist free and looked at Raphael. Was he hallucinating?
"Are you actually here? Because that's got to be the worst fucking joke ever." He reached out and tried to touch Raphael, to figure out whether he could trust his senses here. Somehow wouldn't be the first archangel he'd hallucinated, even if the other one had been a fallen one. "I saw you die."
"Yeaaah, didn't take. I was hiding out from Lucifer, end up in a jam and ... let's not get into it right now. I have been watching, as much as I could." He didn't need to tell Sam where he was or what had happened right now - the focus was Sam. He looked at Sam and sighed, reaching a hand up to touch the side of his face. He was pale, clammy and not long for this world. Especially if he did the final dose. "I've heard you. I just couldn't reach you, not until now. Took a lot of power, bucko. So let's not waste it."
He turned his head and looked at Harry, frowning a little at how the demon was watching them. They were a repellent sort usually but there was something off here. Sam got pretty damn far. "This isn't worth your life. I know, you're hurting and nothing seems fair but this isn't the answer - okay?"
Sam checked his watch, mostly to make sure the alarm was still set. The last alarm for the last dose. Still a long while to go. He looked at Harry and he saw tear tracks on his face. Saw humanity in his eyes. That was something, wasn't it? That was the person who'd been his friend in there. He would have given anything just for his friend to be back. Just to feel like he had a place in someone's life again.
Turning his head again, he focused on Raphael. He knew he'd been thwarted. What was he going to do, wrestle an archangel? "Tell me any way in which my life has done more good than harm. Because I've confessed all my failings twice in recent memory, so it's all fresh in my mind and I'm coming up short."
"Standing up to Lucifer, surviving the cage, saving countless lives - none of those mean anything, huh? Cause we're all on the 'I hate Sam' tour." Humans, they felt their own failings so deeply, so much more than their accomplishments. "The good things you do in your life are how you impact those around you. A lot of people think their life is better with you in it - whether or not you agree, there's a reason why."
He took the needle from Sam and put it aside, just trying to get him to focus on him and not the trial. "You think if you cure your buddy here, he'll be -- what? Redeemed? Redemption takes a long time and he's gonna go it alone, without you? Sounds like a shit deal."
"Sammy, please. Listen to the guy." Harry was panting as he breathed, in a cold sweat as he glared down at the floor stubbornly. "I'd rather die than live if you won't be there. I'm scared, Sam..."
"If I didn't exist, Lucifer wouldn't have a damn perfect vessel. Eliminates the problem." Sam felt the need to point that out. He also didn't feel much of a positive impact he was having. Whiny and sorry and a mess, that was all it amounted to. He didn't want to be pathetic. He didn't want to, for once in his life, be a burden to Matty.
Sam turned his head and looked at Harry, listening to him. "Never trust anyone." What a wonderful mantra to know so well.
He had to laugh suddenly, shaking his head in disbelief and focusing his eyes on Raphael. "How are you even-- I've prayed to you! I've mourned you. You died... You died a hero's death. Big speech and all. Now here you are, the Archangel Raphael, just to stop me because I'm on a bender? Hallelujah. What the fuck?"
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ditchable) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
waywarddone2024-09-25 02:16 pm
no subject
"It's kinda fun, I guess." Harry laughed tired. "Me and you - dying together."
no subject
When he opened his eyes again, it was because the alarm on his watch went off. Another hour up. He blinked and moved the syringe to his arm, drawing the blood almost mechanically. Then he injected the sixth dose into Harry, right before collapsing again. It wasn't the blood loss, it was the ritual. Drawing on his essence.
His hand was shaking when he picked up his phone, staring at it to try and figure out what else he could tell Matty. In the end he settled on:
love you
And then he sat there, looking off at nothing. "I think all I've ever wanted was to love and be loved. That's what Aleister talked about, when we did this. Maybe that's all most of us want."
And so, somehow, another hour passed and Sam injected him again. Seven doses. Only one left to go.
no subject
Harry's voice hitched and tears came to his eyes. "Please, I don't want to die. Sammy, please, I don't want to die."
The seventh dose was not welcome, Sam was not listening and he felt another wave of agony run through him. His eyes rolled back and he wished he had the energy to beg Sam to not go all the way. If they did, this was it. And then there was nothing.
The timer went off and as Sam raised his hand, someone took a hold of his wrist.
There, crouch in front of Sam, was Raphael. He was supposed to be dead but there he was. No fanfare, no big lights or dazzling entrance. He just held onto Sam. "Hey, kiddo. Let's take a step back together, yeah?"
no subject
"Are you actually here? Because that's got to be the worst fucking joke ever." He reached out and tried to touch Raphael, to figure out whether he could trust his senses here. Somehow wouldn't be the first archangel he'd hallucinated, even if the other one had been a fallen one. "I saw you die."
no subject
He turned his head and looked at Harry, frowning a little at how the demon was watching them. They were a repellent sort usually but there was something off here. Sam got pretty damn far. "This isn't worth your life. I know, you're hurting and nothing seems fair but this isn't the answer - okay?"
no subject
Turning his head again, he focused on Raphael. He knew he'd been thwarted. What was he going to do, wrestle an archangel? "Tell me any way in which my life has done more good than harm. Because I've confessed all my failings twice in recent memory, so it's all fresh in my mind and I'm coming up short."
no subject
He took the needle from Sam and put it aside, just trying to get him to focus on him and not the trial. "You think if you cure your buddy here, he'll be -- what? Redeemed? Redemption takes a long time and he's gonna go it alone, without you? Sounds like a shit deal."
"Sammy, please. Listen to the guy." Harry was panting as he breathed, in a cold sweat as he glared down at the floor stubbornly. "I'd rather die than live if you won't be there. I'm scared, Sam..."
no subject
Sam turned his head and looked at Harry, listening to him. "Never trust anyone." What a wonderful mantra to know so well.
He had to laugh suddenly, shaking his head in disbelief and focusing his eyes on Raphael. "How are you even-- I've prayed to you! I've mourned you. You died... You died a hero's death. Big speech and all. Now here you are, the Archangel Raphael, just to stop me because I'm on a bender? Hallelujah. What the fuck?"