"I have a teenager who drinks maple syrup right out of the bottle. Trust me, I get it more than you'd think. Teenagers, they're just -- well, they're stupid. I was going to say something deeper but it ain't that deep." They were just dumb, full of hormones and ignorant as hell. "The best you can do is trick then and keep them out of your expensive booze."

So his options tonight were fried food and a questionable motel. Fantastic. He was not having a good day. Not at all. "I hope the motel at least has wifi."